My little friend T is moving away today. She came to work with us a number of years ago. The first day I met her, we discussed a big old fat zit she had on her forehead. I cannot for the life of me understand why a person would come to work that way. I thought that it was important it be establish right away that if I like you, it is going to be a little hard on your self esteem, because any imperfection will be exploited. With my particular personality disorder it is a requirement laid down by the DSM-5. She just laughed, and she has been laughing at and participating in shenanigans ever since. She is about 15 years my junior, and about as beautiful of a person as can be. Our whole staff has a lot of affection for her. She is one of those people that probably does not have an enemy in the world. I even told her once that if I was single, 15 years younger, and she was 30 pounds lighter, I would totally ask her out. She knew I was joking, (she is a skinny girl) and we laughed. When we had work parties, they were always a lot funner if T was there. We made fun of her uni-brow, mustache, and back hair. The laser hair removal clinic made a fortune off of her. I have never met anyone who is quite so open about her irritable bowel or her menstrual cycle. I would not be a bit surprised if she called every month and I heard her say, “I just called to warn you, I’m on the rag.” She is a great nurse, friend, basketball player, and human being. She is gonna leave a big void around here. I think I can speak for everyone who knows you by saying that we’re going to miss you T-Bag. And if I was 15 years older, and you were 30 pounds heavier, I would still be really glad that I got to know you in this life.
By the way, what the hell is that thing on your forehead?